Broke and Broken...

Have you ever felt forgotten?

I realized today how out of touch I am. I feel slow. I was told by a friend, not in a bad way, that she loved my little life. It was sweet, but paralyzing. I do have a little life. A cute little blurb that can be and is being forgotten. Not exactly how I pictured it. I speak to almost no one but my husband and my mom and day after day execute the same old routine as the days before.

When did life get so stagnant? When did I get so tired?

As I look through pictures of some of my closest friends, I find I don't know them very well anymore. It's been too long. Too far. I read the pages of their lives, from a distance, only to get a headache from the staleness of the computer screen. I used to be there, in those pictures. Under their arms. By their sides. Smiling and dreaming.

It's cold here in Wyoming.

I'm broke, not poor (I've been told that poor is a state of mind), but broke. Stoney and I are trying to get out of debt. It's a battle but we have each other. I love Stoney. He's a strong and patient man who loves God with all of his heart. He loves me to no end and I in return. He makes me feel as if I'm surrounded by friends even though it's only us. He is trying to find the place God wants him. Me too. I miss missions. I wish I could go... but I can't until we get out of debt. Have you ever been stuck? Or felt stuck? I think that's part of being poor. The lack of hope. The mindset. I'm not stuck. We're ready to be free. Free of it all in order to find the place God wants us to be. The job he wants us at... the talents he'll use... the gifts he'll give. But it's hard to do that when people are tracking you down for money. Pinning you down where you are. So we're waiting. We feel led to wait.

I hate learning patience.

But there's a peace. A peace in knowing that, because of my creator, my life won't continue to be little. That, because of my creator, my husband is perfect for me and comforts me with love. That, because of my creator, my friends of days past will continue not to forget me, to remember.

" Teach my eyes to recognize You
Teach my lips to glorify You
Guide my feet so I can find You
Wherever You are
Be my way, I'm lost without you
Be my light, shining through my every breath
My every move, till every thought is You

One day every knee will bow
To the
God of Glory, the Lord most Holy
Emmanuel
Giver of Life, Light of the world
And there's no other name
Worthy of praise but Yours

Teach my eyes to recognize You
Teach my lips to glorify You
Guide my feet so I can find You
Wherever You are

One day every knee will bow
And one day every tongue will confess
You're the
God of Glory, the Lord most Holy
Emmanuel
Giver of Life, Light of the world
There's no other name
Worthy of praise but Yours

Jesus, there's no other name but Yours
Jesus

You're the
God of Glory, the Lord most Holy
Emmanuel
God of Glory, the Lord most Holy
Emmanuel
Giver of Life, Light of the world
And there's no other name
Worthy of praise, oh there's no other name
Worthy of praise but Yours
No other name but yours."